I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My life is pants optional.
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