Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
