i just wanna soil my oats bro
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
