if i can run in heels then i can drive
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
