It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
please don't ironically join a cult
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