Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
