he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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