I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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