doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
