The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
