FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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