..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
