no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
