i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
the condom got lost in my hair
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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