I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
