Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
