He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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