I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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