So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
