im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
