I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize