Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
