I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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