grandma shit on top of the toilet
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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