I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
