we have officially lost it.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
So much rum. So many feels.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
