She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
