He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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