The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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