don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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