One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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