The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
