Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
