so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
