if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize