forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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