Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Me too!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
