I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
