Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
