I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
