I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize