a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
