neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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