the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
