so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
