I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I need moral support for this bender
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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