There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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