dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
