I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
