She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
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