dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
