idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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