i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
