I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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