im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
