DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He passed out mid-signature
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
