I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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