We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
