school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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