I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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