you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The struggles of a small town man whore
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
