So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize