What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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