i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
