I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
be right there i have to get my cape
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
