Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
