My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
