How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
