My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
