where am i from again
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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