I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
