This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
