dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
