i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
