She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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