Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
