Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
