I want to stick my p in your. b.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
