I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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