no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
