I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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