i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
