I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
