Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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